1. |
not in the mood.
03:17
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My future self never listens to me
And I don't take my past self seriously
He's kind of clueless and he makes mistakes
He has no idea where I am today
But while I cringe at myself from 2017
My not-too-distant future self is doing the same to me
And so the goal keeps moving whenever I get close
Carrot on a stick, but at least I grow
So I'll always disappoint
And in a condescending voice
I'll look down on all the choices
My past self went and made
And that's the issue that persists
With being perfectionist
Because perfection don't exist
You can run towards a rainbow, but you'll never find the end
I'm not in the mood to cater to my own attitude
Always trying to improve, but today I'm just not in the mood
I don't know why I set the bar so high
I think I stretched too far and I tore my hide
Tried to eat a whole meal in a single bite
But my stomach is smaller than both of my eyes
But while my body shrivels up because I overeat
I have to wonder who the hell I'm even trying to please
And when I realize that it's only future me
I take a big breath and I count to three
Because I'll always disappoint
And in a condescending voice
He'll look down on all my choices
No matter what I do
And that's the issue that persists
With being perfectionist
Because perfection don't exist
You can try, try, try, but it's a never-ending pursuit
I'm not in the mood to cater to my own attitude
Always trying to improve, but today I'm just not in the mood
I said I'm not in the mood to cater to my own attitude
Always trying to improve, but today I'm just not in the mood
Not in the mood.
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2. |
death dead in its eyes.
03:35
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Lean forward, stand on the edge
Its a beautiful view, but if you slip you'll be dead
Written in the fine print of your indulgences
Is a warning that this pleasure always comes with a risk
Well if you're up to take the test
Untouchable and blessed
You've come this far, why should you take any less?
He tends to lean on the darker side of life
You get a certain thrill from looking death dead in its eyes
That rush of calm you get to feel before you die
Is a very rare feeling to find
To find
Step closer, don't lose your balance
If you fall and hit the floor we'll have to clean up your mess
Stuck inside the rut of all your pesky habits
The walls have gotten high, you're blind to east and the west
Well if tunnel vision's all you got
Wouldn't you rather be shot
Than to know you'll never feel it again?
He tends to lean on the darker side of life
You get a certain thrill from looking death dead in its eyes
That rush of calm you get to feel before you die
Is a very rare feeling to find
Help me, I did not think my luck would run out
But it ran out
Help me 'cause it's all fleeting, I'm gonna pass out
I'm gonna.....
He tends to lean on the darker side of life
You get a certain thrill from looking death dead in its eyes
That rush of calm you get to feel before you die
Is a very rare feeling to find
He tends to lean on the darker side of life
You get a certain thrill from looking death dead in its eyes
That rush of calm you get to feel before you die
Is a very rare feeling to find
It's a very rare feeling to find
A very rare feeling to find.
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3. |
family curse.
04:29
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Your demons are hidden in the honey
The fountain of youth is looking a little muddy
The poison was slipped in when you paid it no mind
And how many drinks in?
Do you even know the time?
Did it get stronger or did you get weaker?
Can you no longer act as your own keeper?
Gone are the days you had it under control
It's always been like this, you just got old
You like to think that isn't you
Even though you slipped up more than a time or two
You can pull away from those generational roots
This family curse ends with you
This family curse ends with you
You severed the leverage you had by staying aloof
Although you didn't mean to, you wound up playing the fool
You swear this is the last time
You'll ever spend a dime on fine wine or moonshine
It was one bad night and you wanna make it right
You can't stand the sight of your momma crying
I hope you're not lying
They'll try to tell you that it's in your genes
Just another bud off of the family tree
But I don't think you ever had it under control
You only notice now because you have a toll to pay
You like to think that isn't you
Even though you slipped up more than a time or two
You can pull away from those generational roots
This family curse ends with you
This family curse ends with you
So this is what it's like to have something to lose
Find yourself wondering if it's worth all that booze
So you can pull away from those generational roots
This family curse ends with you
This family curse ends with you
This family curse ends with you.
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4. |
sweet nothing.
04:19
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Oh, sweet nothing
So intoxicating
I'll keep puffing
Keep my mind hibernating
But it's a guilty pleasure
That puts lead in your shoes
And you'll be far less clever
And much more likely to lose
So just power through
And I wish my mouth was a paintbrush all of the time
I wish I could always spit out colors like cyan, magenta, and lime
I wish I could soliloquize at the flip of a dime
I wish I didn't have to wait for inspiration to take me
To a place so divine
But I'm not A.I.
Oh, sweet numbness
Can be so alluring
A broken compass
Slows down the maturing
But the wound is mending
Soon you won't need painkillers
I know it feels like you're ascending
But don't stand on that pillar
'Cause it's no filler
And I wish my mouth was a paintbrush all of the time
I wish I could always spit out colors like cyan, magenta, and lime
I wish I could soliloquize at the flip of a dime
I wish I didn't have to wait for inspiration to take me
To a place so divine
But to get through the mud
You've got to throw away the crutch
Take off your coat
And let yourself get soaked
'Cause the best novels written
Were not done from a smitten
Place of high privilege
In a suburban village
You can't have the highs without the lows to compare it to
Can't find relief from grief with no one to share it to
What you are, what you were, what you plan to be
What makes you sick, what makes you tick
What do you want to see?
Oh, sweet nothing
I love you, but this is toxic.
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5. |
one day.
05:33
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One day I'll stop smoking cigs
'Cause I won't need the vice
One day I'll snap out of it
And be more careful with my life
One day it will all make sense
And I'll see it as obvious
I can't wait to not be oblivious
I been here just waiting and changing, evolving
Solving and dissolving my problems as they come
It's like an incubation that can't be disrupted
Or corrupted or interrupted in any way
You shouldn't reach out to me
I shouldn't partake
But oh, I've really grown to like your company
So much so that I might drop what I'm doing and reach
Through the shell, yeah, maybe it's a vital breach
But maybe I need a little break from me
One day I'll stop biting my nails
'Cause the nerves will all be gone
One day I'll start liking myself
And wish I'd done that all along
One day I'll know who I am
And I'll enact a master plan
I'm gonna try to be a leading man
I wish I had something to offer
That was stronger than dollars or material things
I can't open my heart
It wouldn't be smart if I'm missing the part that gets love started
You shouldn't reach out to me
I shouldn't involve it
But oh, I've really grown to like your company
So much so that I might drop what I'm doing and reach
Through the shell, yeah, maybe it's a vital breach
But maybe I need a little break from me
A break from me
One day I will try again, get high again
And enjoy the little things
I just have some peace to find to ease my mind
No matter what the day brings
It might take a little time 'cause it's harder to find
Than I thought
It's a delicate process when coal is compressed
It can't be disturbed
But oh, I've really grown to like your company
So much so that I might drop what I'm doing and reach
Through the shell, yeah, maybe it's a vital breach
But maybe I need a little break from me
Please don't take the distancing personally
'Cause you're perfect, know that it's not you it's me
This doesn't have to be a final farewell
But I can't love you until I love myself
One day I'll love myself
One day I'll love myself.
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6. |
been there.
04:18
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Pull into the driveway, welcome home
Turn the engine off, the radio goes cold
Close your eyes and relish the silence for a while
But if you fall asleep in the driver's seat, you might be in denial
Why don't you want to go inside?
Don't you want to hold the light of your life?
Now the glow is fading, it's not so bright
The thrill is gone, how could you be so blind?
I've been there too
Unable to move
I've been there too
I've been there too
And you'll make it through
Yeah, it might be a mess
But it's a beautiful end
Headlights shine through the window and down the hall
Another night sharing a bed with a brick wall
You blame yourself, but it's not your fault
There's nothing you can do when the spark is gone
Why do you keep yourself in the cold?
Don't you know this ain't no way to grow old?
Why do you keep on changing your life goals?
It's not the end of the world if you're alone
I've been there too
Unable to move
I've been there too
I've been there too
And you'll make it through
Yeah, it might be a mess
But it's a beautiful end
I've been there too (I've been there too)
I've been there too (I've been there too)
I've been there too (I've been there too)
I've been there too (I've been there)
I've been there too
Unable to move
I've been there too
I've been there too
And you'll make it through
Yeah, it might be a mess
But it's a beautiful end.
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7. |
go meet the trees.
03:37
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You gotta meet the trees
They're gonna set you free
If you've got nowhere to be
You go meet the trees
Wake up to the sound of water dripping off the leaves
It's about damn time the snow started melting
You can go outside and breathe
Winter was so unforgiving
With bone-chilling gusts of wind
When you're locked inside you're more prone to cry
Because the sun is your best friend
Birds are singing off in the distance so you follow the sound
Takes you away from the screaming sirens
To the outskirts of town
The choir's joined by many voices
From crickets, frogs, and bees
The smog in the air is no longer there
Thanks to all the trees
You gotta meet the trees
They're gonna set you free
If you've got nowhere to be
You go meet the trees
Leaning back on a sycamore tree, I take my place and rest
To pass the time I brought a book with me
But not a single page was read
'Cause I could not get the ephemeral song of the choir out of my head
I could not take my eyes away from the busy wilderness
Atlas is just a redwood holding up the sky
Hyperion will paint a sunset jut to say goodnight
We like to tell these stories of these gods that act like us
'Cause it's hard to believe that these intricate leaves
Were not designed and discussed
You gotta meet the trees
They're gonna set you free
If you've got nowhere to be
You go meet the trees
You gotta meet the trees
They will set you free
When you're brought down to your knees
You go meet the trees
You go meet the trees
You go meet the trees.
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8. |
valley.
04:49
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I've been in this fog for a couple months or so
Told myself that I deserved a break and fell out of the flow
At first it felt good to be a person who relaxes
To fall out of the river just to lie where ever my back hits
And I rested for a bit
Till I got antsy and anxious
So I got up to jump back in
But my back would not unstick
This is what I feared would happen
This is why I never rest
This idleness is downright maddening
Is there nothing in me left?
Oh no...
You're not done, you've just begun
You're not even near the finale
What goes down comes back around
Just remember that you're in a valley
Remember that you're in a valley
Been wrestling with this version of me that I think that they see
But that's based off of what? Base off nothing but
My own disbelief that I have a seat on the mountain peak
(Or in a sunbeam)
And If I don't pick up the slack I hear the whispers in the back of my head
A little more guilt for every minute I try to rest
And if you stare into the abyss
It can look like it's bottomless
Oh, but I would be remiss
If I decided there to quit
'Cause this is not the first time this has happened
This is why I never left
'Cause even though the idleness is maddening
We are almost past the thalweg
We're so close...
You're not done, you've just begun
You're not even near the finale
What goes down comes back around
Just remember that you're in a valley
You're not done, you've just begun
What goes down comes back around
Just remember that you're in a valley
Remember that you're in a valley
Remember that you're in a valley.
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9. |
final door.
04:48
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(Why run to the ending?)
Go on and tell them what you told me
What's been in your head since you were fourteen
The white noise of a restless array
This is the first time in your life they want to hear what you say
Yeah ooo, they're calling your name
Yeah ooo, they're calling your name
You saw this once, but you were alone
The twinkling void was above not below
But in the night sky, you're below their eyeline
And right now you can't avoid the spotlight
It's true, they're calling your name
Yeah ooo, they're calling your name right now
Don't drop the microphone
Don't think about letting go
Got what you came here for
Don't you dare open the final door
You find the view from the summit boring
You feel empty now that you're done exploring
Why run to the clouds so hastily
Just to sit around in high scrutiny?
Yeah ooo, they're calling your name
It's true, they're calling your name
You say a word and a tower collapses
You can't appease the appetite of the masses
Now every sound you utter has consequence
You're controversial and it doesn't make sense to you
They're calling your name
It's true, they're calling your name right now
Don't drop the microphone
Don't think about letting go
Got what you came here for
Don't you dare open the final door
There's nothing in store for you there.
(Why run to the ending? Where's the beginning?)
(Why run to the ending? Where's the beginning?)
(Why run to the ending? Where's the beginning?)
(Why run to the ending? Where's the beginning?)
(Why run?)
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Atelo Songs Albany, New York
Albany-based psych-folk artist in the business of creating sets of songs for periods of intense feelings.
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