It's been two whole years since my mental breakdown Early 2020, before the global shutdown Had a broken laptop and a stolen wallet Lost all of my software, had to reinstall it Left a cheating partner who would constantly question The legitimacy of my deep depression The news would only cover petty jabs from our "leader" And some virus in China endorsed by the grim reaper We were told it was a hoax and it wouldn't affect us Another lie told, we'd learn in the next months Lost my high-paying job and my social life And people started dying on the left and the right It should have brought us together but it was politicized A stupid little mask and you've got science denied And as we all sat at home freshly unemployed Our screens showed us the public execution of George Floyd After Breonna and Philando and Alton and Eric Garner People saw a cop and would feel safer wearing armor The world took to the streets to protest the police I found myself in D.C. and while it was mostly peace Some riots broke out and it scared the suburbians Neo-nazis took advantage recruiting white trash guardians My family members rolled their eyes if I would even mention it Denial from the privileged went ahead and strengthened it Soon the election wrapped up and that seemed like the end of it Took all but six days before the next year went to shit An angry mob of losers tried to hang VP Mike Pence They broke into the White House and they almost found success And as I watched people I thought I knew jump to their defense I started getting real depressed and started drinking in excess Had a new partner now, thought we were perfect lovers In hindsight we were just enabling each other We were blackout driving on a Saturday night When in the rearview mirror we saw police lights The cops arrested her but left me on the street I had to walk home on the highway, then a car struck me They rushed me to the hospital to handle my brain bleeds And thanks to the pandemic no one could visit me I awoke four days later and had lost my memory Four days of my life gone and I was still feeling foggy Soon I hobbled out the hospital dragging my broken leg Physical and cognitive therapy on the reg And as I learned to live with my altered brain chemistry Some things that I had had before now were only history Libido, motivation, speaking without stuttering Enjoyment of the simplest things falling apart and crumbling The rest of 2021 was mostly spent recovering A lot of time alone doing some self-discovering Now here we are, only two years into the decade Already every aspect of my life has come to change If you told me this in 2019 I'd call you deranged This entire couple years have felt like they were staged But it's real, it all happened We're still here, wings still flapping I'm still alive so I'll keep doing what I do I survived, and so will you.

Times that I feel unstoppable Are cut short when I lose just a day When I'm bed-ridden I must stay hidden For I'm worthless if I don't create Don't want to waste any moonlight Even though I know I should rest But if I have no sight in the middle of the night I know I cannot do my best Try to reverse the condition I've found myself in But there's no instruction to what I'm doing I still think production is where my worth begins Gotta unlearn this obstruction to my happiness Help, I've been indoctrinated What the hell even is relaxation? Help, I've been indoctrinated But so has the rest of the population Sometimes I feel abandoned But that's my ego speaking up Friendships fade, they don't owe me anything Who am I to interrupt? I need a constant output Do I overcompensate? If I stay in bed I get inside of my head And I feel myself deflate Try to reverse the condition I've found myself in But there's no instruction to what I'm doing I still think production is where my worth begins Gotta unlearn this obstruction to my happiness Help, I've been indoctrinated What the hell even is relaxation? Help, I've been indoctrinated But so has the rest of the population I don't have the will To stay perfectly still My chest starts to fill With misplaced guilt Can I satisfy This appetite? Is there a finish line Or will I go until I die? Help, I've been indoctrinated What the hell even is relaxation? Help, I've been indoctrinated But so has the rest of the population

Make them think you're God Don't ever drop the façade Say the truth is wrong Deny the fact that you're a fraud 'Cause you can keep pushing your alternative facts But doing so can be just like a fruit fly trap It's easy to get in but not so easy to walk back When you've told this many lies it can be hard to keep track Sympathy was dead on the scene Integrity is nowhere to be seen Infamy is as good as fame When all you want is people to know your fucking name Sympathy was dead on the scene Integrity is nowhere to be seen Infamy is as good as fame When the only thing you think about is winning the game Saturate the database Infatuate the simpler brains Separate and feed the hate Commiserate with the insane 'Cause truth doesn't always align with our desires A perfect situation for narcissistic liars They use it as defense while adding fuel to the fire So if they're ever exposed, they'll have a group of deniers Sympathy was dead on the scene Integrity is nowhere to be seen Infamy is as good as fame When all you want is people to know your fucking name Sympathy was dead on the scene Integrity is nowhere to be seen Infamy is as good as fame When the only thing you think about is winning the game Sympathy was dead on the scene Integrity is nowhere to be seen Infamy is as good as fame When the only thing you think about is winning the game Sympathy was dead on the scene Integrity is nowhere to be seen Infamy is as good as fame When all you want is people to know your fucking name Sympathy was dead on the scene Integrity is nowhere to be seen Infamy is as good as fame When the only thing you think about is winning the game

The wick of the candle Is almost burnt up So they brought an electric lamp But now the flickering has stopped It didn't fool us So they made a bulb that flickers too It looks the same on the surface But we can tell it's not the light we knew Now the fire's extinguished It's only electricity Easy to turn off with a switch But they keep the switch out of reach A flame is unpredictable While a lamp can be controlled We were so excited for the next big thing We didn't think about what we sold They make it easy to escape With things to watch and drugs to take Look away, look away They try to occupy our brains So they can keep us all restrained Look away, look away, look away Water runs through the embers Glowing stones go up in smoke It looks like the heat is gone Because the coals are now all soaked They left it to die After some time had come to pass They went inside and turned off their lights But under a layer of ash There is still a little bit of heat There is still a little bit of light We are not entirely beat We are still struggling to survive And when they finally knock over the candle We will make this whole house ignite Because this fire's not going out Not without a fight They make it easy to escape With things to watch and drugs to take Look away, look away They try to occupy our brains So they can keep us all restrained Look away, look away, look away

You ever worry that you'll run out of things to talk about? That you've already dove into everything you ever thought about? Well, I'm biding my time To help me find A reason to get out of bed I'll wait or procrastinate Lose track of the date While everyone else gets ahead You say let's get started You say let's resume But I lose my focus I can't continue You say that we're late We should really conclude But I lose my focus Let's start something new I need your good vibes Take me out tonight Think I'll be alright I'm just a little burnt out but I'll be fine You ever long for that time in your life when everything was new? That time of wonder when everything you found was its debut? Replacing my covers with weighted blankets And making my pillow act like a magnet Don't give up on me I just need energy Give me amphetamines Don't talk to me till I've had my caffeine You say let's get started You say let's resume But I lose my focus I can't continue You say that we're late We should really conclude But I lose my focus Let's start something new I need your good vibes Take me out tonight Think I'll be alright I'm just a little burnt out but I'll be fine I need your good vibes Take me out tonight I'm just a little burnt out but I'll be fine I need your good vibes Take me out tonight Think I'll be alright I'm just a little burnt out but I'll be fine I need your good vibes Take me out tonight I'm just a little burnt out but I'll be fine

I am an algorithm and my behavior changes with every cue that I learn a patch fills in the spaces I think I'm programmed to achieve emotional homeostasis but there's a bug that prevents that on a regular basis I'm stuck in a paradox The system is at a loss I'm stuck in a loop I need to reboot I don't want to fall apart Guess I better hit restart again and again and again and again and again and again and again I am a learning software testing out new features for sending out transmissions to reach people and other creatures Every now and then a test will fail and I begin the patching procedure Experiencing failure is my greatest teacher I'm stuck in a paradox The system is at a loss I'm stuck in a loop I need to reboot I don't want to fall apart Guess I better hit restart again and again and again and again and again and again and again again and again and again and again and again and again and again I'm stuck in a paradox The system is at a loss I'm stuck in a loop I need to reboot I don't want to fall apart Guess I better hit restart again and again and again and again and again and again and again again and again and again and again and again and again and again again and again and again and again and again and again and again again and again and again and again and again and again and again

The turf on our backs was cool and deep The grass held on to our arms Blinking lights danced in the night One might have been Mars I swear I saw a spiderweb That was spun between the stars I couldn't see the horizon's end Or where the sky would start But I'm just reminiscing And pissing the time away Dwelling on yesterday Filling up the ashtray 'Cause everything matters way too much And I need a crutch And it's such an overwhelming state to be in But also nothing matters and Everything is pointless and I wish that I could explain it Some thoughts cannot be made into words Some thoughts cannot be made into words Some thoughts cannot be made into words And if you try you just sound absurd The chapel was huge and hadn't been used For prayer in dozens of years We made it our home, it was a cyclone Of roller skates and beer The worn-out keys could still carry a tune And they echoed for all to hear We laughed and we cried We lived and we died But we had nothing to fear But I'm just daydreaming And fleeing reality 'Cause there's no analogy To how it is currently 'Cause everything matters way too much And I need a crutch And it's such an overwhelming state to be in But also nothing matters and Everything is pointless and I wish that I could explain it Some thoughts cannot be made into words Some thoughts cannot be made into words Some thoughts cannot be made into words And if you try you just sound absurd Some thoughts cannot be made into words Some thoughts cannot be made into words Some thoughts cannot be made into words And if you try you just sound absurd

I'm treading water lately My grip is getting shaky I didn't change my clothes today I'm trying not to cry For help from acquaintances online 'Cause what good has a status ever done me? I don't want your pity or your sympathy I need somebody's empathy Who can see me See what I see Keeps me breathing And I get that you are trying to help But I have to go find somebody else Please don't comfort me Sometimes it's best to let me bleed (He's unbreakable He's unshakable) Please don't comfort me Sometimes it's best to just let me bleed (I saw him yesterday Didn't have much to say.) I don't need a solution Any more dwelling is just pollution I've lived out every possibility Can't cope in an easy way This epiphany is making me pay At this point I am just a liability. I don't want your pity or your sympathy I need somebody's empathy Who can see me See what I see Keeps me breathing And I get that you are trying to help But I have to go find somebody else Please don't comfort me Sometimes it's best to let me bleed (He's unbreakable He's unshakable) Please don't comfort me Sometimes it's best to just let me bleed (I saw him yesterday Didn't have much to say.) Please don't comfort me Please don't comfort me (He's unbreakable He's unshakable) Please don't comfort me I saw him yesterday Didn't have much to say.

My tolerance for redundance is sinking My ambition for recognition's sinking Guess that's what happens when you do too much thinking My opposition to competition is ringing And I need to mute it It's messing up sounds from the orchestra pit Keep calling for a lifeline But when it's thrown I say I'm fine Just give me weed and red wine So I don't notice a decline It's not easy to always hide Especially from a friend of mine When I'm fully unentwined The monologue will be benign And I wish I could drop This toxic thought But when I do I'm lost The solution isn't revolutionary So why can't I manage to keep this baggage buried I'm watching the worl move forward without me My fate has more weight Can someone alleviate me? Did you overestimate me? Keep calling for a lifeline But when it's thrown I say I'm fine Just give me weed and red wine So I don't notice a decline It's not easy to always hide Especially from a friend of mine When I'm fully unentwined The monologue will be benign And I wish I could drop This toxic thought But when I do I'm lost When I do I'm lost Keep calling for a lifeline But when it's thrown I say I'm fine Just give me weed and red wine So I don't notice a decline It's not easy to always hide Especially from a friend of mine When I'm fully unentwined The monologue will be benign Keep calling for a lifeline But when it's thrown I say I'm fine Just give me weed and red wine So I don't notice a decline It's not easy to always hide Especially from a friend of mine When I'm fully unentwined The monologue will be benign And I wish I could drop This toxic thought But when I do I'm lost.